Climate Change

Originally posted November 29/2007 on "Allison Wonderland"


Come, join me on a tour of the climate zones in our home...

As we enter, we encounter the smelly-and-cold-rainforest zone; highly unusual in any part of the world, as rainforests tend to be warm. OK, and I guess technically it's not a "forest", either, as vegetation is (for now) limited to whatever the heck might be growing in the ceiling- frankly, I don't want to know. It's damp and rainy, though. Wear your shoes in this zone if you come to visit, OK?

Aaaah, the comparatively semi-tropical Living Room zone. Generally not too bad, actually- dry and reasonably warm, if you ignore the drafty window. When we finally get the saran wrap stuff on the window, we expect that the climate in this zone will further improve. Contained within the Living Room zone is, however, the Desk Mini-Zone. The "Presto Heatdish Plus" sits on the desk, providing heat to the rest of the zone. But when you're sitting at the desk (as, say, I am now)... IT BURNS! IT BURNS! OH, THE HUMANITY!!!

Better than freezing- or using the electric heater that's against the drafty outside wall and lets the Very Expensive Heat out.

OK, which way shall we travel? Let's go West (I think) to the Bedroom climate zone. The climate varies in this zone, but generally falls in the cold-to-freezing range, thanks to my stubborn refusal to waste too much heat on a room that only gets used a few times a day. Generally a dry cold, much like Canada's arctic (did you know it's technically a desert?), with less snow and significantly fewer polar bears since I melted the ice caps with the hair dryer. The closet is occasionally a wet spot- more like a meat locker than a rainforest, though. Fortunately, 2 people in a bed plus one Puss on my head leads to a much warmer spot to sleep.

OK, back through the Living Room zone we go- don't touch the heater!- and into the Kitchen. HIGHLY unpredictable, this zone is suffering either the effects of global warming or an inefficient oven. One outside wall is half underground, which presumably provides some insulation- temperatures depend more on the use of large appliances than on outside temperatures. This zone can get VERY hot in the summer, and humid, too, thanks to...

The Back-of House zone. Exceedingly humid in the summer, and hot thanks to the continuous running of the dehumidifier- this can, of course be turned off, leaving inhabitants with a choice between cold (being underground) and wet or hot and slightly-less-humid. Sadly, the heat-giving dehumidifier is necessary only in the already-hot summer months. The bathroom is contained in this zone; highly variable climatic conditions, ranging from hot and humid to freeze-your-ass-off cold on winter nights. Smells are also highly variable, but that's another topic altogether.

This concludes our tour. Please remember to put your shoes and coat on before passing through the Cold-And-Smelly zone. Thank you.