Alright, Just GO Already!

Originally posted October 26/2007 on "Allison Wonderland"


Clompie has found a new way to aggravate us. She's selling the house.

I like to give credit where it's due, so I'll tell you that she's not tromping through with every Tom, Dick and Henrietta who looks at her place upstairs- just the ones who seem interested in buying. For some reason, though, after they examine the apartment, they become... un-interested. This is, of course, our fault.

In a series of emails that many of you have already been bored to death by, Clompie asked us for help in selling the place- because obviously me cleaning my tired, pregnant ASS off and tidying away as many of Simon's toys as I could wasn't "help". The suggestions?

-The apartment hasn't been warm enough when people have come through. Could we please crank the heat? I don't know how to tell her (again) that it doesn't help- the heat leaks out the windows and the walls. We're getting some of that nifty Saran-wrap-for-windows this weekend, but I'd say her best bet is showing on warm days.

-It's too dark. I actually laughed when she asked AJ if we could have all the lights on for an evening showing. Here's their conversation:
AJ: Yeah, we can put on all the lights that are working...
Clompie: What do you mean?
A: Well, that light over the kitchen sink is still broken.
C: Really? It's broken?
A: Yeah- the one K. wrote you a note about a few months ago.
C: Are you sure it's not the bulb burned out?
A: (smacks forehead and rolls eyes at phone) Nope, we thought of that- we've actually tried several different bulbs in it.
C: Weird... it worked before.

Funny how that happens- things work fine until they BREAK.

- There's too much clutter. As I said before, I've tidied most of Simon's toys right out of the living room into a bin in the kitchen or into his bedroom to make the living room look bigger. We tidy EVERYTHING up before a showing (AJ is so loving this), and I've cleared off as much as I could from the kitchen counters. Still too much stuff. Newsflash: three people live here. Three and a half, actually. Kids come with a lot of crap, not even counting what we find in his diaper... which I think he's trying to make for me right now. How sweet!. In any case, There's not a lot of space. Still, I'm trying to be accommodating- more on that coming up. (also, I know couch and chair are too big for a living room this size, but they were hand-me-downs.)

- You seem to have a shelf in front of the closet that has the water heater and the electrical panel in it. Yes, yes we do. There's NO storage space in the bathroom, so we improvise and keep towels, hair stuff, make-up, shoe polish, first-aid junk, etc. on said corner shelf. When we need to adjust the water temperature or plug in the sump pump, we move the shelf. We also move it for anyone who's looking at the apartment. Apparently this is a problem, though. I'm at the point where I just want to make her happy (and mostly to get the place sold), so yesterday I took down the shelf. I found weird places for our junk. It doesn't look as good, but there's a bit more space, and you can IMMEDIATELY access said closet at any time.

- There are blankets over the windows. Yes, there are. We have reasons, and they are two-fold: we don't want to spend money to get actual blinds for a place we're not staying in past the spring (one way or another), and they provide some insulation. The problem is that Clompie replaced one of those windows a year and a half ago, so potential buyers HAVE to be able to see it. I'll take the blankets down for showings, sure. I might even have the window bedecked with flowers or invest in some flashing neon arrows to properly showcase its relative importance.

Here's the kicker: I made it clear that we want to help in any way we can, HOWEVER... we are not going to lie if someone asks us a question about the place. When a guy asked me whether snow was a problem, I told him the truth. When someone said to AJ, "wow, this place must cost a fortune to heat!" and asked whether the bathtub faucet always drips like that, he said yes. So now all inquiries about anything are to be directed to Clompie herself- and she'll be along on all showings. Yes, folks, the selling agent, selling her own house, will be shadowing every. Single. Viewing. And presumably lying about stuff, since we can't. Or won't. And that pisses me off. Eh, it'll come back to bite her in the ass, anyway.

And finally, I know I'm no Martha Stewart, by any stretch of the imagination. But I've actually been keeping up on the dishes, washing the floors, scrubbing the tub, vacuuming, Febrezing (even though it gives me a stuffy nose), making the bed, etc. Like I said, AJ's loving this. And she had the NERVE, the BALLS, the GUMPTION to say "let me know if you need to borrow my vacuum cleaner".

This process has been good for me, actually. I've been polite and accommodating, to say the least. But you know what? I let myself get mad. Because when I do something like this for someone, here or at work or wherever, I do my best. It's not my fault the frigging house isn't selling; if someone had done repairs and/or maintenance as we've suggested, most of these things wouldn't be a problem right now. Don't blame me or my housekeeping skills. Being mad, even for a few minutes, was weird for me... for most of my life, I' haven't been able to be angry. Upset, sad, depressed, guilted-out, yes. Mad? Nope. It's a step forward, I think.

Now if you'll excuse me, Simon and I need to go tidy up his room.* Again.



* Simon's the only one enjoying this process- he thinks it's great that new people come and he gets to show them his room. And every one of his toys.