Goodbye, Charlie's Brain- We'll Miss You

Originally posted September 17/2007 on "Allison Wonderland"


Well, it's finally happened. Charlie has lost his last marble. He's completely gone over the edge. We fear for our lives.

You think I'm joking, don't you? Did I ever tell you our theory that Charles suffers from paranoid schizophrenia? He obviously has auditory hallucinations, and he seems to be keeping a close eye on things in the yard THAT AREN'T THERE. He's becoming increasingly jumpy, to the point where he only comes out of the bedroom most days to eat and use the crappe chateau. The tiniest noise sends him leaping 3 feet in the air. It's funny, but I feel bad for him.

Now he's sleeping on my head, like a furry hat. I don't mind that so much- he did it when I was pregnant with Simon, too (he totally knows). But he's now taking baths on my head while I'm trying to sleep, and it's just rude. It's kind of like a crazy person doing inappropriate things in public places; it happens, and all I can do is toss him off the pillow.* Then he sits in the window, watching the yard... and falls on my head while I'm asleep. This results in him getting tangles in the blanket that's serving as a curtain in that window, and I have to untangle him. When he wants back up, he puts his paws up on the window ledge and spends a minute tap-dancing on my hair before he jumps up.

He's nuts.

Yesterday we couldn't find him. He wasn't in the window, on my pillow, under the couch, in the kitchen or at the crappe chateau. He wasn't stuck in Simon's room. He wasn't making any noise... and there was no way that he could have slipped out the door. The most reasonable explanation was that he had gone so batty that his brain waves had actually vibrated him off to another dimension.

Turned out he was in my dresser. I liked the other dinension thing better. Maybe he got there THROUGH the dresser...

At least he's out of the bedroom today. Good for you, Puss! Of course, I keep finding him in weird places: the bathroom sink, sitting in front of the microwave... and he looks totally freaked out. Still, I'm calling it progress. Poor Puss.



* Please note that the Canadian Mental Health Association does not recommend tossing people with mental health issues off of pillows.