Not Exactly "Law & Order"

Originally posted May 21/2007 on "Allison Wonderland"


I've been summoned for jury duty. I am to show up on the appointed date so that they can see whether they want me on the jury or not- I'm hoping not. I'm hoping I'll be excused based on the fact that I'm responsible for the care of a minor on most days- we'll see.

In the meantime, here are some excerpts from court transcripts for trials I wish I HAD been present at (courtesy of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader- good readin'):

Q: "James shot Tommy Lee?"
A: "Yes"
Q: "And then Tommy Lee pulled out his gun and shot James in the fracas?"
A: "No, sir, just above it"


Judge: "Well, gentlemen of the jury, are you unanimous?"
Foreman: "Yes, your Honour, we're all alike- temporarily insane."

Q: "What happened then?"
A: "He says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Q: "Did he kill you?"
A: "No"

Q: "What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?"
A: "Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that son of a bitch- and she did!"


And my favourite:
Q: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
D.A.: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."