Sometimes the news makes me want to scream. No, sorry- not the news; The News. The newspaper headlines and their television equivalents screaming ALARM! ALARM! every day. Canadian News doesn't seem to be quite as bad about it as in the US (anybody see Bowling for Columbine? I enjoyed it), but the scary teasers on TV get people to tune in, so that's what they lead with.
Yesterday we had the TV on and the very helpful CBC decided to tell millions of parents how they're going to kill their babies. As if new parents don't get enough guilt trips no matter how they deal with any parenting issue. Whether it's from well-meaning relatives, the media or complete strangers on the street who think "he should be wearing a hat", we can't make the "right" decision on anything. Breastfeeding? Well, just don't do it in public. Bottle feeding? Your kid's clearly going to be a sociopath. Disposable diapers? You just single-handedly murdered Mother Earth- thanks a lot. Cloth diapers? Disposables were good enough for us! Your baby sleeps in his own bassinet in his own room? What if he's in trouble and you don't hear him, you neglectful monster? Co-sleeping? Well, then...
This news report didn't tell us anything new. Nearly every paranoid new parent (and that's most of us) reads up on every little detail of baby care, including the issue of sleep arrangements. We know that drinking or taking sleeping pills before sleeping in the same bed as an infant is a bad idea. We know they can get stuck in the couch cushions, and we know not to put heavy blankets on them or to let them sleep near the edge of the bed. Heck, we know that those beautiful bumper pads and coordinating blankets they sell us for cribs at $150 a set probably shouldn't be used with anyone little enough to be suffocated in them. But to say that under no circumstances should any parent take his/her baby to bed with them? That's ridiculous.
There have always been 2 sides to this issue- well almost always. I'm pretty sure that much of the world has enjoyed a tradition of co-sleeping or "the family bed" for centuries, if not longer. If you're a parent in North America, you can find a million arguments for each side- and I don't think I'm exaggerating. We chose to have Simon sleep in his bassinet in his own room most of the time, but we had our own reasons for that: there was no room to have it in our room, and our double bed wasn't going to hold AJ, me, and the baby (and AJ was terrified of rolling over on him- he's a deep sleeper, that one). But did I ever take Simon back to bed with me when he was fussy after a morning feeding? You bet I did. And when Simon wasn't going to nap in the afternoon, but I was desperate for sleep, he napped with me. Yeah, I woke up with a stiff arm every time from having it wedged under a little bundle of baby and not moving while I was sleeping, but it was worth it for a bit of rest. And when the heaters weren't working in either bedroom in October before we moved, I slept on the living room floor with Simon for a few nights.
And we were lucky. Simon's always been a fairly accommodating little guy, and he was good about sleeping in his room. I don't say it was our parenting skills that led to that- it's just the personality he was born with. Likewise, many excellent parents have babies who won't sleep unless they're in bed with mom and/or dad, and dammit, mommy and daddy need sleep, too. There are also amazing parents who love their kids and have done their research and have simply decided that co-sleeping is the way to go. My brother even had one of these suckas:
"Well Honey, there goes our sex life!"I guess what I'm trying to say is this: If The News wants to offer the results of recent research on parenting stuff, great. But don't try to scare us, and please try to give a balanced report. There are amazing, informed parents on both sides of almost any issue, and we'd all like just a little respect.
Oh, and quit trying to make us feel guilty. We do a great job of that on our own, thanks very much.
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