Slut-oween

Originally posted October 14/2007 on "Allison Wonderland"



Halloween makes me cry. Not because I'm scared of the spooky ghosts and monsters- it's because it has become an occasion for the sluttification of little girls.

I don't give two farts if a grown woman wants to buy and wear the "Naughty Fairy", "Sexy Witch" or "Bad-Ass Nun" costumes we have at the store. Actually, it's hard to find a pre-made costume for women that isn't all about the sex- to paraphrase "Mean Girls", Halloween is an excuse to dress like a slut without being called a slut. Have fun, kids.

But this year we have a line geared toward teens, which means it's "tweens" buying the stuff, and it's S-L-U-T-T-Y. And there's no "in a good way" about it. Crotch-high skirts, down-to-there cleavage (not that they generally have any), fishnet tights... bear in mind, guys, that 11-year olds are buying this shite.




Oops- scratch that. THEIR PARENTS are buying it for them, and not raising any objections to their kids (and yes, "tweens" are still kids) dressing like skinny, underdeveloped whores.

The boys' costumes, incedentally, do not include "sexy" cops, "hot" firemen, or anything of the sort. Just cops, just firemen, just ninjas, just cowboys.

Little girls can be cowgirls too, of course. Yeah, there's a lovely pink number for 4-5 year olds with a hat, and a vest... and a thigh-high skirt with ruffles... it looks like something they wear in the creepiest of beauty pageants, and the kid on the packaging is all tarted up in thicker make-up than what I've ever worn at Halloween. VEEERY practical for rustling cattle, to say the least!

And the Barbie costumes... PUKE! Skin-tight, every one. Bare midriffs are the norm.

Can I scream in frustration now? CARE TO JOIN ME??? How the HELL are these kids supposed to grow up seeing themselves as anything but sex objects, or believing that there's value in their hearts and minds if this is what we're buying them to dress up in? And don't even get me started on the everyday clothing available for elementary-school aged girls...



I'm not proud to admit this, but I sighed with relief when I found out we were having another boy. It's one thing we won't have to deal with. Of course, we have the crushing responsibility of teaching our boys to respect girls and women in a culture that doesn't teach them to respect themselves, don't we? To all you moms of girls out there... actually, all of you who I know personally are going to deal with this very well, I think. I can't see one of you going, "Honey, let me help you hike up your skirt a little..."

And to any men who might think that it's OK for a 6-year old girl to dress all sexy... if you're enjoying it, please get help. Seriously. You have a problem.

Hairball Logic

Originally posted September 25/2007 on "Allison Wonderland"



I've found some really interesting stuff while I've been searching groups on facebook. My favourite so far is "Nicole Richie Isn't Pregnant- She Just Ate A Grape". Not many members, but it's the best group name I've seen.

There are weird groups, too. There are at least three anti-abortion groups with very similar names, which are still confusing the you-know-what out of me, even after thinking it over for a few days. (I know, I need a life).

Here's the idea that is sure to bring the pro-choice faction to its (their?) knees:

If it's not a baby, you're not pregnant. Therefore you do not need an abortion.

Am I the only one who reads that and goes, "Huh?" I'm thinking there's a flaw in that logic somewhere, probably somewhere around the time when the zygote/embryo/fetus comes into the world and the mom goes, "Aw, shit- I thought I wasn't pregnant!" It's fuzzier than dryer lint.

Seriously, folks, is that the best we can do? Way to make pro-lifers sound like a bunch of morons. I hate the idea of anyone having an abortion as much as anyone out there, but I don't think anyone's going about ending it the right way. In fact, after a lot of consideration, I've decided that I don't think pushing to make it illegal is the way we should be going. Shocking, I know. But here's my idea, crazy though it is: Maybe, just maybe, we should be trying to make sure women with low incomes have access to reliable methods of birth control. Maybe we should get over ourselves and accept the fact that teenagers, college students, twenty-somethings, whoever- they're going to have SEX. That's not to say that we shouldn't teach them about respecting themselves and other people, or even advise them that, hey guys, the best way to not get pregnant is to not have sex. But abstinence-only sex ed in schools really pisses me off. Back in the day, when kids weren't taught anything about the subject until (maybe) the night before their weddings, there were still young 'uns out there getting frisky, and prostitution's not called the world's olders profession for nothing. It happens, and if people don't know how to protect themselves/ their partners/ prospective kids, what happens? Abortions. Maybe when we can keep people from getting pregnant "by assident", it won't be such a big issue.*

I also think there needs to be more social support for women who decide to go ahead and have their babies. We're so concerned with keeping the poor kids alive until they're born, but there's not enough being done about what happens after they get here. We can be pro-life and still care about the terrified women who weren't planning on being moms yet, who are facing a new, scary life they weren't expecting. If we want these kids to be born, we need to be prepared to have daycare funding available so their moms don't have to drop out of school or give up working. So they don't have to resign themselves to a lower standard of living because they decided not to kill their babies. Being a mom is hard enough when you're married and have another person's income to rely on. I can't imagine doing it on my own.

If those things happened, maybe some day abortions could be seen as a tragedy, a nearly impossible decision parents might have to make if the baby/ mother's life is in danger. But as long as we have a "you made your bed now lie in it" attitude toward women who choose to (gasp!) enjoy sex outside of a stable potential-family structure and make it easier for them to not create a "non-baby" to "not be pregnant" with (?), it's not gonna happen.

That's my rant for the day. Sorry.



* I read once about a very nice pregnancy-crisis centre that tried to show women alternatives to abortion. I thought that was great, until I found out that they won't refer a woman to a doctor who can prescribe birth-control pills, because "she shouldn't be having sex, anyway." 'Cause THAT'S gonna help...

Pervasive Porn?

Originally posted June 7/2007 on "Allison Wonderland"


Here's an interesting article" "...Pornography Becomes Pervasive," . It's about how pornography is now just a "normal" part of society- no longer something hidden. Is pornography actually becoming the new standard of sexuality?

I know I'm not the only one who's noticed the trend toward younger and younger girls wanting to dress, quite frankly, like mini-skanks; stores like La Senza Girl aren't helping to discourage the trend at all. Even the dolls girls play with are getting sluttier- sorry, I'd say sexier, but I'm pretty sure there's a difference. Bratz dolls have disgusted me since they came out a few years ago, and even Barbie has upped the ante with "My Scene".

"I'm hotter!" "No, I'M hotter!"

Yak.


I don't have a problem with mature, well-adjusted adults actin' all sexy-like. I just get really pissed off when little girls (and even teenagers who think they're mature and well-adjusted adults) get the idea that they need to be "sexy"... or skinny... or that they need to dress all skanky-like to be accepted. According to Parents magazine (June 2007), "a recent study from the American Psychological Association found that all these sexualized images of young women are seriously harmful to a girl's self-esteem and healthy development." Are we shocked? I didn't think so.

What about Groovy Girls? Are they still around? They still get cool clothes and chunky-funky shoes, but they're more cute than porn-tastic. I have one- she looks like me, but my boobs are actually bigger than hers- not something most of us can say about those little hosebags pictured up there. Not only that, but their creator(s) actually manages to spell it "Girls" and not "Girlz" or (horrors!) "Grrrrrrlz."

Childhood is not sexytime. That's all I'm sayin'.

WARNING: Pissed Off Mommy Ahead

Originally posted June 6/2007 on "Allison Wonderland"



Sometimes the news makes me want to scream. No, sorry- not the news; The News. The newspaper headlines and their television equivalents screaming ALARM! ALARM! every day. Canadian News doesn't seem to be quite as bad about it as in the US (anybody see Bowling for Columbine? I enjoyed it), but the scary teasers on TV get people to tune in, so that's what they lead with.

Yesterday we had the TV on and the very helpful CBC decided to tell millions of parents how they're going to kill their babies. As if new parents don't get enough guilt trips no matter how they deal with any parenting issue. Whether it's from well-meaning relatives, the media or complete strangers on the street who think "he should be wearing a hat", we can't make the "right" decision on anything. Breastfeeding? Well, just don't do it in public. Bottle feeding? Your kid's clearly going to be a sociopath. Disposable diapers? You just single-handedly murdered Mother Earth- thanks a lot. Cloth diapers? Disposables were good enough for us! Your baby sleeps in his own bassinet in his own room? What if he's in trouble and you don't hear him, you neglectful monster? Co-sleeping? Well, then...

This news report didn't tell us anything new. Nearly every paranoid new parent (and that's most of us) reads up on every little detail of baby care, including the issue of sleep arrangements. We know that drinking or taking sleeping pills before sleeping in the same bed as an infant is a bad idea. We know they can get stuck in the couch cushions, and we know not to put heavy blankets on them or to let them sleep near the edge of the bed. Heck, we know that those beautiful bumper pads and coordinating blankets they sell us for cribs at $150 a set probably shouldn't be used with anyone little enough to be suffocated in them. But to say that under no circumstances should any parent take his/her baby to bed with them? That's ridiculous.

There have always been 2 sides to this issue- well almost always. I'm pretty sure that much of the world has enjoyed a tradition of co-sleeping or "the family bed" for centuries, if not longer. If you're a parent in North America, you can find a million arguments for each side- and I don't think I'm exaggerating. We chose to have Simon sleep in his bassinet in his own room most of the time, but we had our own reasons for that: there was no room to have it in our room, and our double bed wasn't going to hold AJ, me, and the baby (and AJ was terrified of rolling over on him- he's a deep sleeper, that one). But did I ever take Simon back to bed with me when he was fussy after a morning feeding? You bet I did. And when Simon wasn't going to nap in the afternoon, but I was desperate for sleep, he napped with me. Yeah, I woke up with a stiff arm every time from having it wedged under a little bundle of baby and not moving while I was sleeping, but it was worth it for a bit of rest. And when the heaters weren't working in either bedroom in October before we moved, I slept on the living room floor with Simon for a few nights.

And we were lucky. Simon's always been a fairly accommodating little guy, and he was good about sleeping in his room. I don't say it was our parenting skills that led to that- it's just the personality he was born with. Likewise, many excellent parents have babies who won't sleep unless they're in bed with mom and/or dad, and dammit, mommy and daddy need sleep, too. There are also amazing parents who love their kids and have done their research and have simply decided that co-sleeping is the way to go. My brother even had one of these suckas:

"Well Honey, there goes our sex life!"


I guess what I'm trying to say is this: If The News wants to offer the results of recent research on parenting stuff, great. But don't try to scare us, and please try to give a balanced report. There are amazing, informed parents on both sides of almost any issue, and we'd all like just a little respect.

Oh, and quit trying to make us feel guilty. We do a great job of that on our own, thanks very much.